solitaire

Solitaire. A game of one. A game for one. One. A lonely number, except in a marriage. Two become one. But what happens when two stay two? There is no 'one'? Loneliness. I am alone in a lot of areas in my life. I don't feel that anyone has ever really taken me seriously. Oh there are expectations; there've always been expectations of me. But I've never seemed to fully live up to them. I am not the perfectionist that my mother is. No matter what I DO do, there's always something I did NOT do that I should have done. I am not the stylish, hip mom my daughter would like. Chronic pain cramps my all day shopping sprees and 'fun' activities. I'm not the understanding 'Donna Reed' wife my husband needs. I don't like to cook or plan meals, but I do like to fix things and do little home improvement projects myself. I'm not supermom who is involved with every activity their kids ever got involved in, but I rarely missed a game, competition, or performance they were in. I'm not the outgoing conversationalist that is the life of the party. I have a very hard time letting anybody get close. They might see the real me and find nothing worth their time. I mean if my own family can't accept me for who I am, who else will?
All I've ever wanted was to feel that I was OK just the way I was. I've always been a pleaser, looking for approval. The most effective punishment my parents could administer was to express disappointment in me or my efforts. I made straight A's (well, a few B's) all through school. Don't remember many pats on the back, or even words of praise. So I tried harder. I had always hoped my husband would be on my side. But I'm not a trophy wife, don't go in for high fashion, name brands, etc. Consequently, I am basically invisible. Nobody in my family cares about what I like or enjoy. I love fantasy and science fiction, even animated movies and books. I love puzzles of all kinds. I like to play games. I enjoy learning about new things, figuring out how things work, going to museums, exhibits, theater events. I love my computer... like to check e-mails and surf new topics looking for good educational websites for curricurlar areas of study at school. I love spending time digital editing of pictures and video clips, and making them into presentation shows. I love Christmas... decorating, seeing lights, going to programs, playing and singing Christmas carols. I would like to spend the day serving Thanksgiving dinner to shelter or homeless people. I think giving to others less fortunate would be a great family experience. Just wish my family thought the same. There have got to be some people out there who like the things I do. Is it so unusual to be interested in such things?